There I go, doing what I do. Fucking shit up. Taking something beatiful and tearing it apart some how. I dont know how I do these things.
What the fuck, What have I done. Theres no excuses. Theres nothing more that I can say. I feel completely empty now though.

Theres so much going on, I really dont know how to handle all of this. Today was a good day actually, Bekah and I went to Raleigh to go pick up her new car!!!! I couldn't stop smiling, neither could she. Our cheeks hurt like hell by the time we got home. Yet nothing is going right. We blew a tire today, on the side of 440. So we were stuck on the left side, by the fast lane, and we had to wait 45 minutes for a guy to come change our tire. Things are still fucked up with Michelle. Im tired of dealing with it to be completely honest. I just wanted my shirt back, now I dont even give a damn. Its not even about that, we've completely broken our bond. It can't go back after this, I dont want it to. Shes someone that I dont even want to associate myself with. I want to do something to my tattoo now, change it in some way.. Im thinking of possibly getting more pieces added to it. Yet with other designs, just a brainstorm. Things are completely fucked up with Wes. I dont know what to do with myself. I dont know what to say. Bekah and I stopped at Backyard to get food, I saw this girl Courtney in there.. Last time I was there, I was there with Wes. So she asked out him, she called him my boyfriend and I didn't correct her. She then went on to tell me that we looked really cute together, and I honestly wanted to cry right there. I fucked up, its something I do. Theres no going back. I hurt him, and thats what hurts me the most. I just want to hug him, kiss him, and hold him close. I want to hold him and not let go. Just stay in his arms where I feel safest. Im gonna wait it out. We'll cross paths again soon, very soon im hoping. I have no idea what is going to happen from here, I can just hope. There are so many words that I want to say, words that are just trying to sneak out of my mouth. Words that I shouldn't say. Wrong timing. And it'd mean nothing. I really just dont know what to do. I feel empty. I feel disqusted with myself. I feel more lonely than I have felt in a while.

Austin and I decided we shouldnt talk for a while. Seems to be whats best.