I had to say it, I just had to fucking say it. What else could go wrong. What the fuck what I thinking.
I dont know what to do anymore but cry. Crying is the only thing im good at. Everything else, I just seem to fuck it all up.
To be completely honest, all I want to do is cut myself, ball myself up in a corner. Maybe sit in my closet and just scream my little heart out.
Hoping that maybe someone will come to my rescuse. But the truth is, no one ever does. 
It has never happened. And I guess in the end, im better than that now, yet am I really?
It seems as if im the same person I have always been. I will never change. Yet change is the only thing im good at.
I wish I knew the words to say, Yet I know nothing anymore.

I wish I could make him see. I wish he knew what he means to me. Ive made more than my fair share of mistakes. Yet some how I thought those careless mistakes were behind me. I guess thats just who I am. No good. 
I cant live like this. And If i never hear anything back, its going to drive me insane.

I feel like driving to Raleigh right now, and going to where he is so that I can explain myself.
Then again, I feel like never going back to Raleigh again.
Ive caused too much pain, too much drama. 
Too much shit that I dont really want to face right now.

My heart was just ripped out of my chest, thrown on the floor and jumped on until all the blood from the inside was splattered all over the floor.
All in two simple words.
'Austin really'

Im tired of being hurt, really.
It seems as if thats mostly all i experience.
I need something real.
But then again, I'll probably just fuck that up too.