So much time has passed, and so much has happened. Its amazing how many people haven't grown up. Haven't altered their life or mind in these few years. Quit trying to bring me down. Grow up. Dont be stuck in the past. Its not healthy.

i dont want to see him. i dont want to talk about him. i dont want to hear about him. i just want him to fucking disappear. it looks as if im going to have to wait until i fucking leave north carolina to not hear his name again. it makes me so uncomfortable. no matter what you think you know, you have no idea. so shut the fuck up.

This is not good.

She found her way home.

:D

i just want my god damn cat back...

I dont feel pretty anymore. and i dont feel special.

ive lost part of me while growing up.

for real though,
ive never been treated this good.

I bought three new goldfish today.
though none of them are actually gold.



I feel beautiful lately.
Im more inlove than ive ever been.

You'll never hear me actually admit this again but im almost jealous of everyone having babies and getting married. I am in no way ready for that, but its a nice thought one day.

ask me about this on any other occasion and i think they're all idiots.

im also jealous of the people who can disappear for who knows how long and they're just fucked up for months on end. Id like to disappear for a month and be completely out of my mind all month. but im glad ive made something of myself.

ask me about this on any other occasion and they're all fucking druggies wasting their lives away.

please, lets just get in the car and go. pack up what we can and see where we end up.

and i miss my best friend.
my twin.

Leon said he'll pierce my lip for me, for practically nothing.
Sweeeeeet.

Hands down. Adam Fetty is the best boyfriend ever.

He really does love me, and im crying because i couldn't be any happier.

Sometimes when i stare into Adams eyes, I feel like crying. My eyes start to tear up and I push it back and look away. I had always thought that it was because I am so genuinely happy (because I am for the first time in who knows how long.) Im also realizing that I think I cry because ive grown so attached. I've fully let him in. Something that I swore I would never do again. Its happened, its over and done with. Accepting that though is the hardest thing. Not the fact that I love him, absolutely. But im terrified of losing him. Something always goes wrong in my experience with relationships. This almost seems too good to be true. Im scared im just dreaming, im scared that im going to wake up one day utterly alone. Im waiting for him to start walking all over me. Im waiting for him to start fighting with me over nothing. Im waiting for the days that I cry myself to sleep at night. Its not coming though, and I feel stupid that im almost waiting for it. He treats me too good. Im not used to it. I dont feel like I deserve it because its not what I normally get. Im waiting for it to go wrong and I know that its not going to. Its comforting that I know everything isnt going to go to shit. Yet in the back of my mind, ive had to learn how to always have myself prepared for heartbreak. And honestly, its all Dillons fault. He royally fucked me over mentally. Im so nervous of someone loving me one day and kicking my ass the next. Its hard to accept how happy I am, but im getting better at it. I dont think anyone knows how amazing I actually feel right now. Its been so long since something has actually gone my way. Since something relationship wise has actually worked out in my benefit. I want to cry because im so happy. I want to scream at everyone and tell them how in love I am, and how beautiful everything actually is... Im truly ecstatic.

music: death cab

Generalizing what im feeling, ive felt this before.
Specifying how i feel, ive never felt this before.

Everything is getting on my god damn nerves. Ive been crying and just feel like screaming.
Theres something wrong.

I need someone who will sit and listen to what i have to say, and pick my brain. Talking to myself just isn't working anymore.
Everyone always seems to be bias though. I guess i'll just have to reason with myself.

Found a new home for the guinea pig.
I dont think Lolli is prego so i'll find a home for her soon too.
Already rehomed the snakes as well.
They'll go to their new home in about 2 weeks.

Im left with Amelia, two birds, three frogs and a bearded dragon.